A number of years ago, as part of a women’s leadership day I attended, a psychologist ran a group exercise.

On the floor she placed a number of quotes on printed cards which she then encouraged us to look at and select one that resonated with us individually. The quote that jumped out at me was by Brené Brown: “Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.”

After the session was over, I went back to my room and journaled about the impact that quote had on me. I then searched out the psychologist who led that session and we went out into the bush behind the conference centre and, in her presence and with her support, I told my story – and owned it for the first time.

The emotional and mental release after doing so was huge!

It wasn’t that my story was very different to that of other mid-life women – I’d divorced in my 50s. But what I needed to do was truly own this story as part of my life story.

Cognitively, I knew I was divorced. But, because of my upbringing that placed such emphasis on staying married and viewed divorce as a cardinal sin, I was having real difficulty accepting that this had happened in my life – even though I’d left the marriage and instigated the divorce proceedings.

I felt huge shame and guilt about this situation – even though there was very good reasons for my leaving after spending years trying to make the marriage work. But the shame I felt at being a divorced woman, the only divorced person in my family, ensured that I felt a stigma that was reinforced by comments from family and the actions of people I knew.

Then I found this quote: “Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” I knew I hadn’t yet owned my divorce story. I hadn’t made it part of my life story. So, with the psychologist as witness, I spoke out loud all the parts of my story that I was ashamed of, that I hadn’t really owned until now.

And when it was done?

The relief that washed over me, the load that was lifted from me, was amazing. I knew now that when we own all our story, especially the parts that we want to hide, then all the guilt and shame disappear. Owning our story allows us to incorporate it into our lives and when another person – or our own thoughts – accuse us we are able to say, “I know, that’s part of my story.” Our story no longer has the power to shame us – because we’ve made it our own.

It takes courage to own our story.



It’s not necessarily easy to do because we must confront life experiences we often wish had not occurred. But they have and they are part of our story.

Owning our story sets us free.