Everyday tasks like sending invoices to clients typically don't provoke existential dilemmas. Yet recently, a small error made during such an ordinary task turned into a profound moment of self-discovery for me. In my line of work, invoicing clients online is a standard affair. Unfortunately, as with any process, there’s always room for human error. And, sure enough, I'd sent an invoice with minor inaccuracies. The corrections were quickly done, but the episode had rattled me far beyond the screen of my computer.

You see, I've lived a significant part of my life as a people-pleaser. This identity was so ingrained in me that I viewed it as a natural part of who I was. But as I've grown older, I've started reflecting more, and I realised that the roots of this behaviour traced back to my childhood, steeped in expectations from my parents.

Like many children, I conflated parental approval with their love. The words "I love you" were seldom expressed in our family, which further reinforced this skewed understanding of affection. Therefore, I always strived to be the 'good girl', chasing perfection in a bid to earn my parents' elusive validation. Unsurprisingly, this mindset continued into adulthood, manifesting as a deep-seated need to impress and garner approval from others.

For years, I carried the burden of my people-pleasing behaviour, blaming myself for my relentless need for validation. But now I see it was never my fault. This inclination to seek approval was a learned behaviour, a conditioning from a time when I had no agency to interpret or understand the messages I was receiving.

Realising that I was conditioned to be a people-pleaser was transformative. The understanding that my worth is not defined by others' approval was liberating. Yet, old habits die hard. Despite my newfound awareness, remnants of the past conditioning linger, sometimes even rearing their heads over minor situations, like an inaccurate invoice.

But awareness is the first step towards change. I now understand that it's not about being perfect; it's about being true to myself. I am enough just the way I am. My value isn't contingent on other people's approval.

The cultural messaging of perfectionism has burdened countless women. We're taught to be the 'good girl', the perfect daughter, wife, and mother, often bending ourselves out of shape trying to fit preconceived standards. This ingrained need for external validation can leave us feeling flawed and inadequate when we inevitably fall short.

But here's the powerful truth: our value isn't determined by the approval of others. The desire to please is not inherent; it's learned. And what's learned can be unlearned.



Awareness offers a choice: we can continue to seek approval from others, to bend ourselves out of shape trying to fit someone else's ideal, or we can stay true to ourselves. We can tap into our inner power, let that superhero shine, and relate to the world authentically. Whether others like us or not, whether they approve or not, we know deep in our hearts that we are worthy, and we bring something necessary and needed to the world. It's time to unlearn people-pleasing and start being unapologetically us. Because in truth, there's no such thing as perfect, but there's always room for being genuine.