But, but, but…I hear you say.

Yes, women are strong, resilient and courageous. But always having that description applied to women - often as a counter to the weak, fragile, wilting woman in need of protection so favoured by trashy novels and Victorian-era thinking – allows the very real needs and concerns of women in 21^st century to be overlooked, diminished and dismissed.

Let’s face it. Women have always been strong.

They’re strong physically – anyone who’s witnessed a woman giving birth knows how physically strong they are. As a side note, I bent the drip stand in the throes of birthing my eldest – just reached up, grabbed it and pulled on it as a contraction came! And they can plough fields and plant rice with a child strapped to their backs, play footy and tackle hard, and deadlift their body weight.

Women are strong mentally – they’ve withstood the damage done to them by systems made to keep them ‘in their place’. They’ve suffered rape as a weapon of war. They’ve seen families killed before their eyes. They’ve been vital parts of underground networks in wartime shielding and harbouring refugees. And they’ve come out the other side strong.

Women are strong emotionally – I know they lachrymose woman who faints at the sight of blood is a common trope but women are often stoic in the face of tragedy. And the ease with their emotions surface is an indicator of emotional and mental health rather than the opposite – they are in touch with their internal life.

Women are strong spiritually – women make up the majority of Christian congregations, are the centres of Jewish homes, physically display their faith as Muslims despite their clothing making them a target for abuse and discrimination.

There is no denying that women are strong, and resilient, and courageous.

But…only having those words as descriptors for women allows for the burdens and struggles that women face and carry to be overlooked, diminished and dismissed. The needs of women can be hidden and glossed over because assumptions are made that women can carry those burdens unaided, that women don’t really need caring for because, after all, they’re the nurturers.

What is needed is some equilibrium.

A balance is required between the supposed weakness and fragility of women epitomised by the ‘damsel in distress’ and very real strengths of women display every day. Women are neither one thing nor another. Neither wholly weak and vulnerable needing care and attention, nor completely strong and resilient, able to face all storms.   

Women must be able to say, “I need help” and not be perceived as less than. Women need to be able to display their power without feeling that is the only characteristic they can display in any situation.

Women, it’s up to us.