Many of us are familiar with Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, in which Ebenezer Scrooge is visited by three ghosts on Christmas Eve - the first of which is the ghost of Christmas past. This ghost takes Scrooge into the memories of the past, reminding him of a love lost.

There are times when I sense that some of my memories are like that ghost of Christmas past when they remind of times in my life. It is when the memories raised are of difficult times that make me sick to my stomach, and I wish I could lay these memories, these ghosts, to rest.

A memory came ghost-like recently of a time I felt trapped. Trapped in a dysfunctional marriage that I felt I could not leave.

Too often, women (and some men) who are in troubled and abusive marriages feel trapped. They'd like to leave but feel that they can't. And, too often, the question is raised, "Why don't they just leave?" The answer is not simple.

For me, leaving my first marriage felt impossible. I was constrained, not only by having children to look after, but more so by the narratives and expectations of the faith tradition in which I was raised and in which I continued to operate. The narrative that said marriage was ordained by God and its vows were not to be broken. The narrative that said a woman was responsible for the health of the marriage and that I should just keep trying to make the marriage work. The narrative that said that divorce was an unforgivable sin.

When the 'ghost' of this time brought these memories back I wished I'd never had these narratives in my life. But as the old saying goes; "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." Wishing is futile, but that I do this speaks to the depths of the pain that these memories bring back.

I've broken out of the narratives of the past. I've written new narratives for my life.

So, what does this have to do with business and career?

All of us have a ghost of Christmas past. We all have memories that we'd like to lay to rest. We all have narratives that shape how we operate, how we relate to others, how we make decisions, and how we view others and the world at large. And we bring all of that with us into every place we go, every role we undertake, and every interaction with have in the day.

What is important to know is that all of us can discard the narratives that no longer serve us - even those that have been with us from childhood. And we can write new narratives that shape a new way of being in the world.

I don't know if I'll ever lay these memories, these ghosts, to rest. But what I do know is that I am the person I am today because I've had the experiences I've had.



And I have power because of it.